Just as the Lord gave instructions to husbands, He also gives instructions to wives. It's helpful to remember that what follows doesn't apply to all relationships. I think there is a general principle regarding the roles of men and women in society, but here we are talking specifically about the relationship between a husband and his wife. Therefore, the commitments that we present here have to do only with the marital relationship and do not apply in the same way during the period of courtship. However, it is very important that a woman can wholeheartedly believe that she is capable of making these unreserved commitments to her fiancé. As with the role of the husband, let's use three words to describe the role of the wife.
1. Submission
Wives must submit to their husbands. There is no doubt that this commitment is a little scary. Reading these passages makes that fear very real. God makes His expectations very clear. You are choosing to relate to your husband differently than you relate to everyone else. You are accepting him as your leader and authority for life. Notice what the Bible says:
Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord (Ephesians 5:22).
1 Likewise, wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, so that if some of them do not believe in the word, they may be won more by your behavior than by your words, 2 by observing your honest and respectful conduct. 3 May your beauty not be external, which consists of adornments such as ostentatious hairstyles, gold jewelry, and luxurious clothing. 4 May your beauty be rather that which is incorruptible, that which comes from the depths of the heart and consists of a gentle and peaceful spirit. This really has a lot of value before God. 5 This is how the holy women who hoped in God adorned themselves in ancient times, each one submissive to her husband. 6 Such is the case of Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do good and live without any fear (1 Peter 3:1-6).
Submitting to your husband (following him) does not mean that your opinion will be less important or that you will be worth less in the marriage. It simply means that your marriage is like one of those tandem bicycles, and that God wants one of you to be in the front and the other in the back. Of course, the bike will go faster if the two of you pedal together, so your marriage should be characterized by unison and teamwork.
You will both agree on many things, but there will be times in your marriage where you will simply be together. A follower's submission is tested when the leader makes a different decision than the follower wants. If you, as a wife, believe that your husband is leading you in a direction that is not the best, you may be tempted to stop pedaling, thinking something like, “Well, if that's what you want to do, good for you. Do it yourself.” Or worse yet, you may be tempted to put down your bike and abandon him. But submitting or following Him means that, unless your husband is leading you to sin, you will pedal even if you want to go in another direction. Therefore, in the days to come, remember that it is easy to submit when you get what you want. The challenge of obeying these commandments will come when your husband is leading you where you do not want to go.
Someone might ask: “How is this possible? How can I trust my life to someone who can make decisions that I'm not going to like?” This question is valid. The answer takes us back to chapter 1: When Jesus is at the center of your life and your marriage, you can joyfully submit to your husband because you are trusting that the Lord is working in that situation.
You must be prepared, because your husband will fail in his leadership. There's no doubt. And that's fine. Failure is one of the things God uses to help us grow and see our need to depend on Christ. In the long run, a couple of failures will produce a more godly husband, a better leader, and a stronger union.
Your husband may make bad decisions, but you must remember that you are not immune to foolishness. There will be cases where your decisions would not have glorified God or strengthened your marriage either. In these circumstances, you can praise the Lord for giving you a husband who was willing to exercise leadership and avoid the consequences of your decisions.
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“ When Jesus is at the center of your life and your marriage, you can joyfully submit to your husband because you are trusting that the Lord is working in that situation. ”
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Submission is a difficult topic, and we all struggle with it. But that does not mean that submission is bad, harmful, or a hindrance to our walk with Christ.
It is true that some marriages become toxic. This happens when the husband is not a leader leading his family to Christ, but rather one who is trying to build his own kingdom of oppression. Although I hope and pray that your marriage never reaches that point, if it does it is important to remember a few principles.
First, the husband is not the final authority. All of the husband's authority has been delegated by both God and his wife, who decided to voluntarily submit. He is accountable to God and to his wife for the way he exercises his authority. Husbands should remember that God also established the authority of the church and the government. In some circumstances, the authority given by God to the church and government overrides the authority of the husband. There may be times when it is appropriate for a wife to involve civil authorities and church leadership. Thank God, many churches are being more aggressive in their opposition to dictator husbands who want to create kingdoms of oppression.
Second, a wife has the freedom to seek help from the church leadership without her husband. If she has confronted him about a particular issue and he refuses to acknowledge her concerns or address them biblically, she has the right, according to Matthew 18:15-20, to ask the church leadership to evaluate the circumstances and act accordingly. I don't think a couple who is seeking to have Jesus at the center of their lives needs this advice, but when the gospel is not central to a couple's life, then anything can happen. The point is that a husband cannot use a wife's submission to oppress her.
2. Company
Genesis 2:24:
Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
This passage teaches the importance of being a companion to your husband (and of him being a companion to you). God has said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” Although singles occupy very important places in the Bible, Jesus being the main one among them, even Paul (who was also single) cited Genesis 2:24 on three occasions. The Bible sees marriage as a remedy for loneliness. God has determined that there is something powerful and special about living life with a partner. We already saw that marriage is an institution created by God for His glory and our good. Although sin entered the world, the blessing of marriage remains. In His grace, God did not want you to celebrate your victories and blessings alone. Furthermore, life in a fallen world is difficult. Losing a job, losing your home in a fire, being in a serious accident, experiencing poor health, or losing a child are incredibly painful experiences. The Lord's presence will always be our source of joy and strength, but He also designed the companionship of marriage as a source of comfort and encouragement for life's challenges. As you approach marriage, the idea is to develop hearts that say, “We are in this together. “Troubled waters may come, but we will always navigate them together.”
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“ God has determined that there is something powerful
and special in living life with a partner. ”
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Your company is not just physical. To experience the depth of a relationship you must be able to enjoy your husband emotionally, spiritually, and physically. The more you relate on these levels, the stronger your union will be. As you grow together, it is assumed that you will mature spiritually. This means that your emotions will be increasingly controlled by a biblical mind. Your spiritual connection should increase as you see the Lord act in your lives over the years. Your physical union will be stronger the more comfortable you feel with each other.
Note that Genesis 2:24 says that a woman must leave her father and mother, and so must a man. This sounds very harsh. But God's point is that your most important human relationship is no longer the one you had with your parents as a child, but the one you will have now with your spouse. Your position will change. As a woman, you may have been living with your parents for more than twenty years, and you may find it difficult to trust a man who has a lot to prove. But continuing to run to your parents does not honor God. It is true, your husband must be patient in this process of breaking the bond with your parents and forming a new bond with him.1 But do not forget that God expects you to develop that new bond with your husband.
3. I respect
Ephesians 5:33:
In any case, let each of you also love his wife as himself, and let the wife respect her husband.
A third word that sums up the role God has given the wife is “respect.” In reality, Ephesians 5:33 is a summary of everything God said in verses 22 to 33, so what the Lord has written about women in this passage is encompassed in the concept of “respect.” When we put this together with what it says in Colossians 3:9, we see that there is a pattern. Some women irritate their husbands, which makes them easily bitter towards them. This does not excuse the bitterness of husbands, but it demonstrates the power wives have over their husbands' lives. There are many ways a wife can respect her husband, but here I present three.
First, a wife can respect her husband by recognizing all the ways in which he is a blessing to her. It's amazing to see how things change when our way of thinking changes. Perhaps that is why the Lord encouraged us in Philippians 4:8-9 to think about everything true, everything lovely, everything excellent, and everything worthy of praise. The things you choose to highlight in your husband will significantly impact the way you see him. If you choose to focus on his failures (and he, like all of us, will have many of those), everything he does will be frustrating, irritating, and annoying to you. You may even consider it an obstacle to achieving your goals. But if you choose to see him as the blessing he is to you, you will see him as a gift from God, designed (in part) to enrich your life. And you will love him because he treats you with kindness, gentleness and care.
Second, a wife can respect her husband by refusing to say, “I told you so.” There will be many moments in your marriage where you will be right. Just because he is in the leadership position doesn't mean he will always make the right decision. Sometimes he will do things that are just stupid, and you will have to suffer the consequences. But that doesn't mean you have to remind them. Unless your husband is very self-centered, he will not feel proud of his mistakes. In fact, he will be ashamed of them. This shame should lead to true repentance, not worldly sadness that produces no good fruit (2Co 7:10). However, assuming your future husband wants to live for the Lord, one way to encourage his leadership is to not remind him how foolish he is.
Third, a wife can respect her husband by encouraging him in his successes. I know some women don't like the cheerleading analogy, but it helps explain this point to me. As his wife, you are the one who can encourage and support him the most in this life. When I was finishing my PhD, I often wanted to give up. But in each of those moments, my wife was cheering me on, giving me time to work on my project, and celebrating every victory along the way. Your husband will be blessed when you celebrate his successes.
If you both commit to fulfilling the roles God assigned you, you will experience the joy of honoring God in your marriage. Consider this: If you marry at twenty-five and live to be eighty, you will have spent fifty-five years together. The decisions you make now regarding your roles will impact most of your lives. If you live according to God's design, you will have some difficulties along the way, but you will be able to overcome them together. Beware of that mentality that says: “I will fulfill my role if you fulfill yours.” If Jesus is the center of your lives and your marriage, you will both want to take on your roles because it is a joy and an honor to live for Christ.
Have you noticed that God has given us a lot of flexibility when it comes to the details of how we live at home? The Bible does not say who should organize the finances or who should wash, cook, clean, or take care of the car. God has given different gifts to each one. What works for one couple will not necessarily work for the other. Each couple has to learn what works best based on both of their personalities, abilities, gifts, and desires.
So I encourage you to enjoy the process of building that life together. Certain things may change over time, but if Jesus is the center of your lives, you will have joy even in difficulties. The only thing that is non-negotiable is what God expects from the husband and wife. Jesus equips us through the Spirit so that we can do the will of God. Their standards are high, but not impossible. We won't be able to fulfill them perfectly, of course, but that is what causes us to constantly remember our need for the gospel—to be humble, to be forgiven, to find grace, and to receive the power of God. Jesus must be the center of your lives and you must be willing to invest your minds, your bodies and your souls to build your relationship around Him. By doing so you will have great freedom and joy in Him.
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This article was adapted from a portion of the book On the Road to Marriage , published by Poiema Publicaciones . You can download a free sample by visiting this link .
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