But aren't children commanded to obey their parents?
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, because this is right. Ephesians 6:1 (NIV)
Some of you may be wondering about Ephesians 6:1 and the command for children to obey their parents. Doesn't this command extend even into adulthood? Or could there be some implicit limit? Some parents say that this commandment applies to children of all ages. But in light of the passages explained above, we believe that Paul is referring to children who are still dependent on their parents and who are under their roof and authority, as opposed to those who are “of age.” Applying the commandment to older children, even those who are married, means that they are to honor their parents (Ex 20:12), respecting them and helping them when they are in need (1Ti 5:4). However, they are no longer obliged to submit to them or obey them in all things.
It is a sad reality that some parents sinfully abuse their position of authority. Amelia was a woman in her thirties who was still living with her parents and was being courted by a good Christian man. The downside was that the man's job was thousands of miles away from Amelia's family. Her parents refused to allow their daughter to marry this man because they simply did not like the idea of their daughter moving so far away. We let Amelia know that her parents were unfairly trying to control her (Eph 6:4) and that, according to Scripture, she was free to decide whether or not to marry.
In another case, Jorge, a single man in his forties, was living with his divorced mother; She was opposed to his desire to marry a pious Christian woman whom he had been courting. She wanted him to continue living with her or marry the woman of her choice. Jorge's mother claimed that Ephesians 6:1 showed that her son would be violating Scripture if he married against his will. Jorge sought advice from church leaders, who convinced him that he was free to choose his wife. Today Jorge and his wife have a blessed marriage with beautiful and beloved children. He and his wife are doing everything they can to show kindness to their mother even though she opposed their marriage.
The problem of parents refusing to release their children and trying to control the decisions of their adult children is not new. In the sixteenth century, Martin Luther's father wanted him to be a lawyer, but Martin was determined to be a priest. Although the conflict between father and son was painful, every Protestant can be grateful that Luther went against his father's wishes and made his own decision. God used his determination to be his own boss in wonderful ways that continue to resonate around the world more than five hundred years later.
Like Luther, our young adults are responsible to God to make their own decisions. They are responsible for choosing their profession, their spouse and their place of residence. When our children were young, their options were limited by our preferences. But now that they are “of age,” they are free to leave our home and our supervision, even if we believe that decision is unwise.
Excerpted from the book "You Never Stop Parenting" by Jim Newheiser and Elyse Fitzpatrick
